Here a Nation, There a Nation: A Word Play

My home town occasionally refers to themselves as the Jayhawk Nation. There are probably many other “pseudo” nations, and the creation of so many nations stirs the imagination. With a surge of inspiration I went to Google in search of further information. Search Engine Optimization suggested the United Nations and Face the Nation. The sound of incoming email broke my concentration as I received an invitation to join an online researcher’s organization called the “Investigation Nation.” What a clever exhortation! All that was required was to fill out a short application, but I viewed their offer with trepidation. A second email touted a seniors dating service named the “Older Generation Expectation of Infatuation Association.” As an incentive to join, the club offered a free vacation at a resort with which the organization had an affiliation. I resented the insinuation that I was elderly and wondered with indignation who supplied their information.


Feeling trapped and close to suffocation, I hopped into my car, flooring the gas pedal for maximum acceleration. I soon stopped beside a Greyhound Bus which sponsored a promotion by the Bus Station Nation. Their proclamation read: “Public transportation for energy conservation!” There was a clear indication of support as the population cheered in ovation. Unfortunately the driver received a citation for a moving violation; he was driving without proper exterior illumination and was hauled to the police station for interrogation.

I took a short-cut toward a plantation in desperation, my navigation leading me through a field with farmers trying to save their harvest from dehydration. Their utilization of water condensation, purification and desalinization tools wasn’t effective, and my deliberations led me to conclude their equipment needed calibration. The farmers’ trucks had door magnets which read, “IrNat, Inc.” I realized with consternation that this was an abbreviation for Irrigation Nation—a chilling observation!

I arrived at my destination and circled the packed parking lot in frustration before spying an open space. A young woman quickly approached, offering to sell me a carnation. When I declined, her response was the middle finger salutation. Once inside, the pharmacy became my destination. I waited in anticipation for an inoculation while another man was in consultation with the pharmacist, seeking clarification about his medication for constipation. The pharmacist told him he might suffer from some inflammation after a few days’ application, but there was no expectation of lasting problems, especially if he took their recommendation for lubrication. He was told if problems persisted, he should visit his doctor for an examination.

I next stopped at a video store with the motivation of renting a full feature presentation. I saw the X-Men movies beneath a sign that read, “Mutation Nation—copies available for reservation.” In a back room, a young couple shyly perused XXX-rated videos together, including one titled “The Self-Gratification Nation.” In exasperation I cried out, “Is there no respite from my situation?”

I raced home in anticipation of lengthy isolation—perhaps even hibernation. Only separation from the population would offer me emancipation. I opened my door in elation and stretched out for some relaxation. If not for my vaccination, I would have guessed the day’s events were entirely a hallucination. There was no justification for any other explanation.

I popped the DVD into the player and settled in for some relaxation. I discovered with exasperation that I had an X-Files movie and checked the case for verification. I watched as Agent Muldur made a bold declaration to his superiors regarding information of an impending infiltration resulting in the colonization of our civilization by an alien delegation. His superiors were in collaboration, and claimed there was no rationalization for his investigation—despite the ramification of an alien occupation and the expectation of mankind’s termination. They accused him of an overactive imagination and a severe breach of regulation. Defeated he met with Agent Scully, and they flirted shyly—a weak culmination of their mutual infatuation.

At this point, I knew my aspiration for a normal day was a cry of desperation. My lamentation was heard from miles away. I reached for a wine glass. The day had been an abomination, and celebration was my only salvation.



To all of you familiar with my work: I have no explanation.

NCAA Men’s Basketball: #1 Kansas Defeats #14 Texas, 80-68

Bill Self’s Kansas Jayhawks passed the test. They took the game Texas had circled on their calendar and survived. Their hard-fought 80-68 victory over the Longhorns in Austin, Texas on February 8th gave KU a three-game lead in the Big 12 conference with seven games left. The game was physical throughout, with 22 blocked shots and 16 steals between the two teams. Kansas center Cole Aldrich played only 26 minutes and fouled out for the first time in his career. His fifth foul came after an elbow struck Texas forward Damian James in the head, and James responded in anger when Aldrich attempted to apologize. Marcus Morris dislocated a finger seven minutes into the game and had to receive treatment before returning.

Texas started the game strong, bolting to a 14-8 lead on the strength of two Damian James three-point baskets. Kansas responded with a 22-0 push that broke the game open and the Longhorns never seriously threatened again. KU led by as many as 19 points before Texas trimmed the margin to eight, late in the second half. They couldn’t get closer, however, and the Jayhawks maintained their double-digit lead throughout most of the game.

Kansas versus Texas showcased the talents of the two most-hyped freshmen in the Big 12 conference: KU’s Xavier Henry and Texas’ Avery Bradley. Henry shook off the effects of a month-long shooting slump and produced solid numbers with fifteen points, five rebounds, a steal and a blocked shot. Bradley didn’t fare as well with three points, three turnovers and four fouls in 35 minutes of play. The matchup also featured the clash of big men Cole Aldrich and Dexter Pittman, who dueled in the paint but weren’t particularly effective against each other. Aldrich tallied seven points, five rebounds, six blocks and five fouls in 26 minutes. Pittman countered with three points, three rebounds and four blocked shots in 21 minutes. Despite the relatively poor games of the big men, both clogged the lanes defensively and made it difficult for the guards to penetrate.

For Kansas fans, it was everything a big game against a rival was supposed to be: an intense road win that cemented the Jayhawks claim to #1, both in the Big 12 and the nation. It was a step toward separating themselves from every squad in the country except Kentucky and Syracuse. It demonstrated that Kansas can play a very good team on the road and take control—something they failed to do in their overtime wins at Kansas State and Colorado.

The game solidified KU’s reputation as the deepest team in the land. The Morris twins (Marcus and Markieff) now produce solid numbers every night, and Marcus could challenge for all-conference honors if he maintains his high level of play. Tyshawn Taylor has quietly returned to making a positive contribution to the team. Brady Morningstar and Tyrel Reed are more confident players than they were a year ago, contributing with fine outside shooting and mistake-free ball handling. KU is so deep their talented freshman class sees little court time, although Jeff Withey has logged some minutes in recent games.

For Texas, it revealed their flaws. Texas is limited offensively, relying too much on Damian James for scoring. Avery Bradley and Jordan Hamilton have the ability to score but are still too inconsistent. Dexter Pitman is an imposing presence but has no stamina and a limited feel for the game. Dogus Balbay excels on defense, but is such a reluctant shooter he disrupts the Longhorns’ offense. Justin Mason and Jai Lucas may not have the skills to be major contributors.

Amidst the chaos were signs of hope for Texas. J’Covan Brown led all players in scoring with 28 points—26 in the second half. If he continues to play well, he might join Avery Bradley in the lineup at guard and bolster the offense with his shooting. Another reliable scoring threat will take pressure off James and minimize double-teams in the post. Texas defends extremely well—they just need to find more ways to score. However, Coach Rick Barnes is running out of time to figure out which players on his team deserve to be in the rotation and needs to make his adjustments quickly.

The Big 12 Conference race isn’t over, even with Kansas’ three game lead over Kansas State and Texas A&M (two future opponents). They play Kansas State and travel to Texas A&M and Missouri. Texas can still be a factor, but they have to play to their capabilities immediately. If the Big 12 Tournament started today, they would be in fifth place and far removed from their number one national ranking, a mere two weeks ago. If they drop another game or two before righting their ship, it will be too late for them. Both teams have the ability to meet their preseason expectations, but Kansas looks much closer to doing that than Texas.

An Open Letter to Roy Williams

Dear Coach Williams,

I have watched and enjoyed the Kansas Jayhawks play basketball since the 1972-1973 season. I have seen many great players take the court in Allen Field House over the years. I watched young men like Rick Suttle, Darnell Valentine, Paul Mokeski and Greg Dreiling play. I saw Danny Manning, Kevin Pritchard and Mark Randall represent the Jayhawks with class and dignity. I cheered for Jacque Vaughn, Paul Pierce and Raef LaFrentz. I rooted for Drew Gooden, Nick Collison, Kirk Hinrich and Wayne Simien. Today, I look with pride on the efforts of Cole Aldrich and Sherron Collins.

I was disappointed when Ted Owens was fired, but rejoiced when Larry Brown replaced him. I was skeptical when Dr. Frederick hired you, but you quickly won the hearts of Jayhawk fans everywhere with your hard work and tremendous success. When you left Lawrence for North Carolina, I was extremely upset. I hoped Bill Self would be able to continue the successful tradition you added so much to during your time as head coach. (Coach Self has exceeded our expectations.)

I was bitter and resentful when you led North Carolina to an NCAA title in your second season back at Chapel Hill. Your swift ascent to the top of the basketball world in 2005 made Jayhawk fans shake their heads and wonder why this was something you couldn’t do for Kansas. What were those wonderful Jayhawks teams lacking that you discovered so quickly in the squad you inherited from Matt Doherty?

I was even more amazed when the Tar Heels won 23 games in 2006 after losing virtually every key player from the previous year’s title team. Your coaching wizardry was never more evident than during that season. In 2007, you were back on top, and only an overtime loss to Georgetown prevented a return to the Final Four.

In 2008, you fielded a wonderfully talented club with Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington and the rest. You faced an equally great Kansas team in the Final Four and lost, despite a valiant comeback after being down 40-12 in the first half. Was there an extra incentive for the Hawks to play well that would not have existed if the opponent was someone else? (It has been suggested Brandon Rush was motivated because of issues concerning your recruitment of his brother JaRon, ten years earlier, but no other motivating factor makes sense.) Every KU fan wanted to see the Hawks play for the title, but the players and coaches had no vested interest in beating you. The Jayhawk faithful felt relief with the victory—it meant we could win without you.

The next season, your key players said no to the NBA and returned to complete their quest for a title. The Carolina team separated itself from every other team in the country and won your second championship in five years. KU fans couldn’t help but again feel a little jealous—the demons we thought exorcised the year before returned. Why couldn’t you perform these miracles for us? Why couldn’t you write two best-selling books chronicling your tenure at Kansas? Why does coaching seem easier for you now than when you were in Lawrence?

The question no longer needs to be answered.

Flash forward to the next year. At the time these words are being written, your team is 13-10 and at risk of missing the NCAA Tournament entirely. KU fans aren’t happy to see you lose, but there is some comfort in your team’s swoon. This is probably difficult to understand, but tanking a season allows us to fully embrace you again. You needed to become human in our eyes instead of continuing a string of successful seasons that would make Dean Smith envious. I realize you would prefer a 23-0 record and our enmity to your current situation, but we aren’t rooting against you. Not really. We just needed to see you fail in order to fully understand how much you accomplished at KU. You never brought an NCAA championship to Kansas, but you never served up a13-10 record, either. You have become mortal in our eyes again, and now we can fully enjoy your success.

I am aware that you’ve moved on mentally as well as physically, and the feelings of Jayhawk fans aren’t really that important to you any longer. That’s okay. Jayhawk fans have moved on, also—even if this very letter appears to be evidence to the contrary. We can point to your accomplishments with pride and claim you as one of our own. We can root for you against any opponent except the Hawks. We can allow you to enhance KU’s reputation from Chapel Hill. We can be a family again.

Welcome back, Coach!

Mike